


Skip the Dinner, Wake up Thinner

by Kirinime



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, Eating Disorder, F/M, please do not read if you are easily triggered, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-11
Updated: 2017-10-11
Packaged: 2019-01-16 04:06:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12335160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kirinime/pseuds/Kirinime
Summary: Just a few kilos.





	1. Ana

**Author's Note:**

> PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED.
> 
> EDs are not glamorous. They happen so fast. Everyone can have one, skinny or not.  
> They ruin you and are often extremely dangerous. Til death.

Yan and Greta hung out in the park, chatting, gossiping about the eyebrows of Mr. Kirkland, their English teacher. Just doing normal things.  
“Oh god, you know, I started a diet”, Yan switched the topic.  
_Why would she want to diet? Did she miss a trend?_  
“Why, you’re skinny as fuck”, Greta asked, confused.  
“Yeah, thanks. Now it seems as I was compliment fishing”, she laughed, “But I don’t really want to always watch what I’m eating so I want to maintain my weight”  
“And how would you do that?”, it still concerned Greta. Her friend hasn’t changed weight since years.  
“Wait, I’m gonna show you”, Yan got out her mobile and soon pointed the display at Greta.  
Water Diet.  
“I can eat as much as I want! As long as I only drink water, well, and don’t eat like fast food”  
“And this should really work?”, as if! Water is healthy and shit, but really?  
“We will see!”

Why does she even think about dieting? Her weight is goals. Literally, with dresses Yan looked so delicate, like a fairy. Even with her feet together you could look through the gap.  
_Maybe I should try to get it out of her mind? She’s perfect as she is now? Like, is it even about maintaining as Yan told me?_  
The vibrating of her phone ripped Greta out of her thoughts. It was her boyfriend.  
She smiled and picked up: “Hey babe”  
“Hi, how are you, sweetheart”  
Oh how corny. Normally she wouldn’t talk like this, but with Toris the world seems perfect.  
“Good, miss you”  
He laughed softly: “I miss you, too. But on Friday we’ll see each other again!”  
“But it’s only Wednesday. Why do you have to work at your uncles? It’s so far away”  
“I’m helping. He’s not that young anymore, he needs me”  
They talked for a while, until Greta got too tired, falling asleep for short times and they had to end their conversation.

It’s been two weeks since Yan started her diet. Greta did not notice a change in her body shape. Maybe it’s really just to maintain.  
“Oh god, yesterday I ate like 1000 calories! Can you imagine that? My goal was 500”, she overheard Bella complaining.  
Has she never noticed or is everyone just starting their diets now? Just like Yan.  
Yes, some girls really should lose a bit weight, but mostly the healthy girls are dieting.  
Should she try to lose a few kilos too? A few, like three?

50 kg. 1.63 m. BMI 18.8.  
Normal weight, but she did not have a thigh gap, her collar bones weren’t contured that much.  
Just until they show.  
But she would have to exercise, not her most favourite thing. And change her way of eating.  
Will be hard. It was not like she couldn’t survive without three meals a day. Her brother would never let her do that. He’s kinda overprotective. Same as Toris, he would not let her starve.  
But there are healthy ways to lose weight, too. Obviously. Or everyone would have a disorder.  
So she scrolled through pages. Eat that, don’t eat that. Calories, exercise. Fit, healthy. Skinny.  
The more she googled, the thinner the girls got. It wasn’t beautiful anymore, some only were skin and bones anymore. She would not get to this point, never. Greta knows when she wants to stop. 47 kg, or 46, so she is not underweight.

She sat up and stretched. She hated getting up in the morning.  
It meant new failure in losing weight.  
The diets she tried always made her gain weight. She now was at a weight of 52 kg. BMI 19.6.  
Now she has to lose 5 kgs, she’s drifting away.  
Greta made her way to the bathroom, hopped onto the scale. Yes, 52. To be exact, 52.4 kg.  
A gap was nowhere to be seen between her legs.  
Yan stopped her water diet. “I could not survive without fries and tea”, she said.  
Fries.  
Around 250 calories for on middle portion at McDonalds.  
When was the last time she ate them? A few days ago.  
Why did she do that?  
Then the frustration and anger that built up in her for the last weeks all came out. She wanted to break the mirror, for showing her this body. Thankfully she stopped herself and  ran into her room, slamming her door, locking it. There were plenty of unused notebooks. Aesthetic, but for what should she use them.  
She picked one of the smaller ones, black with cute ribbons on it.  
_Don’t eat:_  
There were enough things she could remove. So much fast food.  
Carbohydrates, fat.  
Fizzy drinks.  
Sweets. Sugar, salt. So much she did wrong.  
Someone knocked on her door. Shit, she forgot her mother was at home.  
“Honey, Greta. What is wrong? Please open the door”  
“Please leave. I want to be alone”  
“Do you want to talk?”  
“No!”, just fucking leave!

It’s been weeks since she started trying to lose weight.  
She is now on 46 kg. Finally. Her collar bones appeared. But still not the thigh gap she wanted.  
Yan looked at her, shoving her loved fries into her while Greta was sipping on her water.  
“You should eat”, she told her.  
No.  
“I had a massive breakfast. You know the faible of my mother of English culture. She literally stood up at like five am so she could cook English Breakfast. And believe me, you don’t need that much time. But it had to be perfect”  
Greta never had a problem with lying.  
“Oh god. I love English Breakfast so much. Do you still have anything? Oh say yes, I need one right now!”  
Oops.  
“No, believe me, not a bean left”, Greta grinned.

When you get the hang of it, it’s easy to pretend you eat. “I have already eaten, I’m so full”, leaving it in your mouth and dirtying your mouth, just so you can spit it into the serviette. But not too big bites or it is obvious, and keep it on your lap.  
And then you just exercise.  
200 calories eaten? Burn 400.

It took Toris three times sex when he told her he was really concerned.  
He had stress, exams hitting hard. So they often just saw each other two times a week. It’s okay, as long as he gets good grades, they are both happy.

Greta finally had 43 kg. It’s been so long. She worked her way to a bigger gap, her collar bones were awesome.  
Then she stumbled upon thinspo blogs.  
“Skip the dinner, wake up thinner”, “No fat thighs when sitting” and so on.  
So it’s possible to have a thigh gap even while sitting?  
And her rib cage wasn’t really showing, not under her breasts, just a bit above. But not all too much.  
Then 40 kg it will be.

42 kg and she woke up at 2 am. Sleep was important. Her stomach killed her. It rumbled loud and she felt ill. Water and a cigarette, then it will go away.  
She was about to get out the house to smoke, when the refrigerator caught her eye. Maybe one carrot? Or perhaps there are cucumbers.  
Big mistake.  
Though she stuck to healthy things, she ate many.  
Her stomach turned and she sprinted to the toilet. When she finally didn’t have to vomit anymore, she sat back, tears running down her cheeks. When was the last time she ate?

 


	2. Mia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's like a circle.

44 kgs.  
She hated herself so much, it was so hard to keep everything inside. She wanted to cut off her fat.  
Maybe if she cuts herself enough she loses weight?  
“Babe, I’m talking to you”, Toris smiled.  
Summer Holidays. Her parents allowed her to go to Vilnius for a few days, just Toris and her. And it tore her apart. Part of her loved the idea of being with her boyfriend, alone. The other part hates the idea of not being able to trick Toris.   
Greta will have to eat, maybe even without purging. Obviously she could not do it in the hotel room. But maybe when they were in a restaurant? A public toilet. If she didn’t stay away too long she could get even a bit out. The best she could do in this situation.  
“Yeah, I… spaced out”, she told him.  
“That happens so often in the last time. Is really everything okay? I’m really worried, you lost so much weight, your bones are showing”  
Not enough, though.  
“No, I just fantasized a bit. You know, about our holidays”, she tried to wink, making Toris laugh.   
He kissed her: “You’re so cute”

In less than 24 hours they will be in Vilnius. And what is she doing. Sitting inside a literal circle of food.  
Her binges became worse. When she was alone in the house she would binge and purge for hours. Sometimes she even uses plastic bags, which disgusts here extremely, but she couldn’t risk getting caught.  
_Just this last time. Then I’ll go back to eating normal, no binge anymore._  
That’s what she would tell her when she realized her mistake.  
Her throat was sore. If her fingers didn’t work she used her tooth brush. It was hell, when the gag reflex hits and the brush is literally in your fucking throat.  
Hopefully she didn’t reek like vomit, though nobody complained. Thankfully it only happened once that she forgot to flush down enough so every piece of vomit is swept away. And then she was the only person seeing it as the excessive drinking of water always forces her to go to the toilet extremely often.  
Greta tried to regain energy, lying in her bed now. Her binge and purge session lasted longer, as she couldn’t do this for the next days. That’s good though.  
So she can finally lose the weight again that she gained.  
Her cheeks were a little bit puffy since she developed this habit.  
No, she did not like it.  
Hating the feeling, the pain, the weight gain.

Sometimes she cursed Yan. This girl was praised with a perfect metabolism.  
And here Greta is, in a circle of gaining and losing. Binging, purging and starving.  
Her holidays were nice, sometimes she could forget her problems for hours. When they arrived at home she even got down to 43.4 kg again.  
And she hasn’t binged for a week.   
Purging was harder to stop. But she stopped eating that much, so it wasn’t that big of a problem.

Greta got her first backlash when she was at 40 kg again. It’s been a year now. And a few months. So much happened in such little time. For her birthday she didn’t wish for a cake.  
17 years. 1.63 m. 40 kg. BMI 15.8.  
Always telling herself, at 38 kg it will all stop. Just maintaining.  
She struggled with small things. The sport lessons were hell, as she often was exhausted after a few minutes. You would think sport would be easy when you exercise excessively.   
But in school you have to suffer through it, alone you can take as many breaks as you need.  
She came home from school, tried concentrating on her homework. A hard task.  
So she stood up, wanted to upon her window, maybe fresh air would ease her mind.  
Everything was spinning and then the world went black.  
When she opened her eyes again, it was a few minutes before five pm.  
_How long have I been out?  
_ With quivering legs Greta got up, gripping the rest of the bed so she wouldn’t fall.  
_Nobody noticed, it was just a small lack of energy. I’ll just drink more water and maybe eat a bit salad._

And her weight dropped once again. She hasn’t eaten since three days. To be exact 76 hours. Greta was so proud, she had so much control, discipline!  
In three months she will be 18!   
She hasn’t grown since almost three years and to be honest she stopped hoping. But she had 38 kilos.  
The gap she always wanted finally showed beautifully. Her rib cage stood out.  
Now she only needs a bit and she will have a gap even when she sits!  
BMI 14.3. Pretty numbers.


	3. The End

“Please, Greta, eat”, tears streamed down her mothers cheeks, her eyes were red. Like hers after binge and purge. But she’s over this.  
“I have already eaten. I am so full, you can’t imagine”.  
“You can hardly stand”, my father intervened.  
“Why can’t we send her to the fucking hospital”, Lukas, her brother said. His emotionless façade was breaking, Greta could see it.  
“She just has to gain a bit weight”  
“Oh my god! She weighs 35 kg”, Lukas held her notebook in his hand and almost pushed it into the face of his father, “she is dying”  
“I’m okay”, she told them.  
_I’m not dying, why would I?_

37 kg.  
God dammit. They made her eat, watching her all the time. No purge, no hiding.   
She worked so hard. So fucking hard.  
They stole her future. Greta wanted to study. Go away.   
Toris wanted to leave with her, going to England, maybe even to the States! They had plans.  
“You will see them if you gain 3 kg”, they told her.  
This was like prison. Being force-fed, having to have this exact weight just so you can see your family or friends.

“I’m happy you recover. I missed you so hard”, they kissed. Their first kiss since an eternity.   
40 kg.  
It hurts.  
Her brother even hugged her when they visited.  
Everyone was nicer.  
So fasting indeed is good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know if it's a good idea to end the story like this.  
> To be realistic though, ED is not always ending with a recovery, a happy end.
> 
> I don't know how recovery works and will never know as I'd never forgive my parents if they'd sent me to recovery. Missing shit from school and not being fucking able to study.


End file.
